On other fronts, I've experienced a bit of a chill myself. As you know, I've been crushing on my Russian tutor for the past semester. It recently occurred to me that he is not my friend. In fact, he has been using me and my talents/skills for the past few months. Me being so blind, I thought he wanted to form a bond, when in reality he just wanted a personal assistant that he didn't need to pay. In talking with one of my roommates I learned this treatment is a common practice amongst Russian folks. They "befriend" someone, use them for whatever, and when done discard them. Let's just say that this semester my availability has dramatically changed. Looking back, I sacrificed important social life time, study time, and invested a lot into a relationship that was entirely in my own mind. I don't know which is more discouraging, the fact that I continue being attracted to idiots, or seeing yet another roommate get a boyfriend.
Oh, here's some interesting news: My fitness regimen is paying off. At this point I can run a mile in 11 minutes 20 seconds. It is still a slow mile, but that is a 15 second speed boost from last week's pace. Also, more of my clothes that came to school with me are getting loose.
Speaking of clothes, here's some food for thought and a rhetorical question. It is a good idea to purchase clothes for someone who tells you they lost 20 pounds? Someone you haven't seen in months? Over the Christmas holiday, my mother gave me some clothes she had bought for me. They were nice clothes, but huge on me. I kept one shirt, but will probably not ever wear it. It makes me look 30 pounds heavier. I know she took the time to look, and that she loves me. The thing is, she had no clue as to my personal style, and somehow in her mind believes that upon looking at me everyone will see my "special spirit" and know how beautiful I am. Forget the fact that when I wear clothes that swim on me that I look fat.
About the looking fat thing: I know it seems that I obsess over it. That's just not so. But I did notice a change in the quantity of attention I receive. The lighter and more fit I've become, the more attention I garner. Its kind of funny. People, and by people I mean guys, who would not usually give me the time of day 20 pounds ago are doing double takes and seeking my opinions. If it weren't so entertaining, I'd probably put the fatwa on that kind of attention. Don't get me wrong, I am thoroughly enjoying it. Just, what has changed so dramatically that I am now of interest? I don't feel different... Maybe a bit lighter, and better able to keep up in the gym. But my heart and mind are very much still the sarcastic, witty, East Coast mentality. Eh, these are the things that will boggle the mind. I'll just have to work to be gracious and not judgey.
Snow angels danced across fields today... Maybe it was just the wind "redistributing" the 12 inches of snow that graced this land.
Please comment and share.
Thank you,
The Tallgurrl
