A Rant About Choices

I am a firm believer in "free agency". The fact that people are free to choose to act however they want, and take the consequences, is something I have always loved in my life. With that in mind, I have decided to take a break on dating for a while... Let me explain.
In April, when I moved back to NH I met a guy. I'll call him Brazilian Playa Man.(Playa for short.) We have been dating/hanging out since then. We had a falling out a few weeks ago that I chalked up to misunderstanding. Playa and I reconnected last weekend at a church camp out, and I thought we would make a go at it. We made plans to go on a date last night. During the afternoon he texts me that he wants to do a "rain check". I tell him "OK, it is raining today." In reality, he didn't get in touch with me in time to make plans- so I figured something better came along and made my own plans to go salsa dancing with some of my friends instead. I tell him about the dancing, which happens to be at a club near his home. Playa says he "might" come and I let it go.

At the club, he shows up, I introduce him to my friends, and he asks me to show him where I parked. So I went in his car and we parked him near me, and went to Taco Bell to assuage his hunger.(By the way, bad idea to eat fast food before doing exercise of any kind.) I sit there with him and chat. He was incredibly rude to the workers there, and proceeds to debate politics with me. Two things that are enormous turn-offs, not to mention taboo when trying to impress the opposite sex. We finally make our way back to the club, and he spends the rest of the night living up to his name, Playa. He uses the same lines on my friend Lilo that he used on me; even going to the point of taking her out to his car and making out with her.

When she got back to the club, she asked me if it would be cool to have him drive her home. I'll be honest. I warned her off of him. But she really wanted to go with her "wild night" and he happened to finish it off. So I told her to do what she wanted. Now this is where I got a bit petty. We're all adults here, but really! To cancel a date with me, spend the night flirting/macking with MY friend, then come back and act like its all good... So when he came back, I called it like I saw it. I told him he was an ass! He really didn't seem to see anything wrong with what he did, which I told him that if he didn't understand my being upset he wouldn't ever get it.

Playa and Lilo left together. I left with my other friends. And I have decided that I will never date Playa again. His lips will only ever touch mine again in one circumstance: I need CPR and he is administering life saving techniques on me. His car will never hold my body in it again. He has lost the girl. The ironic thing is that Lilo said he was too old for her. I wonder what he will say when he doesn't end up with a date next week.

To finish up this rant, I just want to say how grateful I am for this happening. I passed on going to a friend's mocktail party for this and really needed this to happen. I had been giving my heart to Playa in increments, and was hurt by him before. Now, he has cauterized the wound and the scar I now bear will not allow any further romantic involvement with him. My dating focus is going to turn towards the temple from now on. As in, I'm not dating for a while. Instead, I'm going to make temple dates with friends and feel the Spirit. I would much rather do good and be about "My Father's Work" than pursue dumb guys and make myself feel dumb in the process. I always feel choice when leaving the temple and know that my calm will be restored there.

Please give your comments and share.

Thanks,

The Tallgurrl

Update: I ran into Playa on campus. He was all solicitous and flirty, and I was all "nice to see you, I know I'm awesome... Gotta go." He has not aged well at all. And he is still single. His ambition has increased, though. I wish him luck and wisdom in all that he does. 

News, News

So life has continued and I have moved on... literally. After having lived for the past year in the Chicago area, I packed up and moved back to New Hampshire. It definitely wasn't in my plans to go back for anything save holidays and visits, but God had something else in mind for me. I can only ignore His nudges for so long before he uses a brick upside my head. In this case it was a mix of work and parental need. As in, I was growing weary of being the fall girl at work and my parents really needed my help for an undetermined length of time.

It was very difficult for me to move back into my parents' home. They had made it very clear before I left that it was "their" home and I totally respect that. Living away from them was very liberating for me. I found a new love in running and physical fitness. Dancing in clubs and singing in karaoke bars were things I enjoyed doing there. I think I had to go away in order to really discover who I am and learn my capabilities. I haven't found them all, but it was a good start.

One thing I did while in Chicago is date. Now don't get me wrong, I did date in New Hampshire. Its just that a 2 year dry spell was creeping on me and I wanted to actually go out more. Prior to my move, I was growing very frustrated in my lack of dating. I figured something must be wrong with me... Why else would no one want to go out with me? The ironic thing is that it took 1000 miles, and a couple months of not dating there, to realize that NOTHING is wrong with me. There is a phenomenal woman residing in my skin. I don't need some guy to validate my awesomeness. The fact is everyone is amazing. Once I really began to believe that, it was like I was a magnet. (At least for guys who didn't have confident women near them).

I've been back in New Hampshire for about 4 and a half months. I am living in my parents' home, and I'm okay with that. I have been dating, some. And I have been alone some. The whole bitter, desperate, fearful woman who can't bear the thought of being alone has died. The phoenix who rose from the ashes of that woman's demise is just discovering herself, and likes what she sees so far. I have learned so much from my mistakes, experiences. I can't wait to see where this part of my life takes me.

A hopeful breeze will be here all day, clearing the pollen and humidity.

Please give your comments and share.

Thanks,

The Tallgurrl