Love, and the Memory of Days Past

Today is the three year anniversary of my engagement. My husband officially proposed via Skype, since he was still working on his doctorate in Illinois and I was living in New Hampshire. It took a lot of heartache and unrequited infatuations.

The song "I Can't Make You Love Me" just played on the radio. It reminded me of playlists of the past. I would create playlists for every mood and activity. I had several exercise playlists. Relaxation songs for meditation, yoga, and sleep. I had a playlist for studying, and one for dancing it out. I had a playlist for every time I developed an infatuation. And I had a melancholy playlist for when my heart got bruised and broken.

Looking back, it has been interesting to see how I have developed and evolved in my emotions. I used to become angry and feel entitled to the affection or circumstance that I desired. And my playlists would reflect the frustration and pain from feeling overlooked and forgotten. There was a level of immaturity to my choices in music.

Then, the middle time period's playlists started to be created. They still reflected pain, but there started to be an air of hopeful healing to the music. I was beginning to understand and accept the relationship concept of "he's just not that into you." I was focusing more on being engaged in personal development, activities, hobbies. Interest in dating was still present, but it wasn't my primary focus. The biological clock was still ticking, but I didn't want it to determine my actions.

This middle time period was very important. I experienced some life altering things. I was attending a university and graduated. I had a level of physical fitness that I hadn't experienced since doing sports in high school. I was sexually assaulted. I made some important single serving friends. And I experienced heartbreak over someone who was so completely not my type that to this day I am bewildered that I had convinced myself to have feelings for him.

After that middle time came a much more confident period, musically and relationship-wise. I was much more discerning in relationship perceptions. I was open to love, but not actively seeking it. My music choices were still varied by genre and artist, but now they showed a greater maturity. They were less about making other people comfortable, and more about what I enjoyed.

And all of that leads up to meeting my husband and becoming engaged 6 months later. When we got married, we decided to create an ongoing procurement playlist. We call it the "us" playlist. We put songs that make us think of each other, songs reflecting our love experiences, songs about our relationship, songs that make our hearts melt. It is a very happy playlist, and it is one that is my favorite. I hope everyone makes a list that brings them as much joy as this one brings me.


The weather is sunny and warm. Spring has beautiful colors and sweet smells. The growth and new beginnings are inspirational.


The Tallgurrl