Plays Well With Others and Other Lies She Told

I have a wide circle of friends, with a few closer ones that I confide in. Being an idealist, I truly believe that they are as honest with me as I am with them. Which is to say, completely. Giving everyone the benefit of the doubt makes it painful when someone abuses my trust and belief in them. I made a very difficult decision last night to cut ties with one whom I considered a best friend. This was a long time coming, but I didn't want to do it. Finally, the situation presented itself where this friend did something that I won't tolerate from a confidante. She manipulated me, bent the truth until it resembled a pretzel, and all in the name of looking good to others.

To fully explain, I'll have to list the cast of characters and give some of the back-story. To start, these women are roommates, and friends of mine. I got pulled into the situation and now am trying to fix my errors in it... Shopgirl is a quiet girl, who has a few issues that she is dealing with. She is a nice person, who is trying to overcome some challenges, with a little help from her mum. She has a small group of friends, and is an amazing woman. (Shopgirl's mum is also the landlady.) Danseur is an outgoing social butterfly. She is a center of attention type of person, who is highly dramatic. I have never known her to not have someone help her in any situation, regardless of the imposition the person asked for help. Editrix is an introvert, who has an active life and works hard at her job, loves her family, and is even keeled in personality. She is very generous with her time, talents, and her integrity.

The story begins many moons ago, when Shopgirl and Danseur became roommates. After living together in harmony for some time, Danseur decided it was time to go on a mission. Her friends were supportive, and even helped her prepare for said mission. When Danseur left, Shopgirl needed a new roommate, so in comes Editrix. Editrix was going to live with Shopgirl for the 18 months that Danseur was to be gone. The situation worked out well for a couple months... After which, Danseur decided to come home from her mission. *Writers note: I don't know what actually went down on her mission. But I will say this, every prospective missionary gets a packet detailing exactly what to expect on a mission. What dress code is expected. The hours kept. Living arrangements. One has to really look to find a question not answered. And if there is one, the president of the mission is always willing to talk. Danseur spent enough time hanging out with the local missionaries to be well aware of how life would be. Her coming home was NOT a dishonorable release. I will say this, though... What did she expect when she got done at the MTC? Did she honestly think it would be just a bunch of friends hanging out, talking gospel, and no rules, restrictions, strict standards? BYU has an honor code... It goes to figure that perhaps being a representative of the Church would require a bit more.

Back to the story. Danseur came home early, and because she was so early, Editrix was not prepared to have to move. Danseur lived at her mum's home for a while, then began to complain, campaign, about how unbearable it is to live there and she needs to be back in her old place. After much cajolery, tears, and whining, Danseur did get to move back-on an interim basis. She got a futon and shared a bedroom with Shopgirl. Things were going fairly well. A few tensions were there, but nothing good honest communication couldn't fix. That didn't happen, though.

Now I'm not sure how the whole thing escalated. At this point, unless I actually hear all parties part, I'll not form an opinion. This I do know: Shopgirl began to have anger management issues. Danseur was being dishonest, and manipulative. Editrix was being scapegoated, and not communicated with.
I'm not going to go into all of the details, as they aren't as pertinent as how they were shared, and specifically to whom. There are no "innocent" parties. Mistakes were made by all involved. This I will say for my part, I have acted on the information I had been given. Now I know it to have been faulty, and manipulated to make Danseur seem a victim... again. She told me a version of the truth where she was attacked, unprovoked. That she was blameless in her semi-eviction. That in the whole situation, she had no contribution to the tension, the strife. The reality is that she would do and say whatever it took to keep her as the abused party. That she was wronged and is to be pitied. A little aside about me: I have nothing but contempt for those who cherish victim-hood and strive to live a life of drama. Those people waste their lives and drag down those who would put themselves out in order to help. Too many times women who are trying to do it on their own offer aid to others who could do it but would rather be a martyr and have someone "rescue" them.

The purpose behind this post is to say this: I got played. I got played real bad by someone who I loved like a sister, and trusted with many confidences. I will admit that I had been pulling back from the amount of my life I shared with Danseur. Months ago, a dear friend made a stupid, destructive decision. Danseur broke some of the confidences this friend gave her, and shared with a reporter things our friend said. Now if she had anything to contribute to the case she should have shared it with the police. But she for some inane reason decided to "make it better" with the media. Ironically, her words were the next day's headlines. When she did that, the trust I had in her diminished dramatically. Now this... She used my trust in her as a way to aid her in an escape from a situation that she lobbied and manipulated to get into in the first place. I believed her to be someone who would be completely honest with me, as I am with her. I suppose her version of the truth is much nicer. It definitely makes her seem faultless in the situation.

In the novel Pride and Prejudice, there is a character William Darcy. He said that his flaw was that once his good opinion is lost, it is lost forever. I'll not go quite so far, but will say this. Once I am given a huge reason to be mistrustful of you, you are no longer among my confidantes, best friends, and I likely will not want to associate with you. It hurt me do decide this, but I'll no longer be friends with Danseur. I abhor being used. And to be played in such a way, to further her own foolish and selfish plans... No. I am done with her. Some day she may realize what it is she has done. I only hope her actions are not deliberate. To purposefully use ones "friends" is one of the lowest actions.

If you can't tell, I'm not feeling very "Christlike" right now. I think a blog is a better way to vent than to confront, though. Because I don't care for drama, and think it ridiculous to have heated BFF break-ups.
Now I'm looking for a new BFF... Any takers?

Thick fog and thunderstorms are approaching. Best look for shelter, this storm is a doozy!

Please comment and share, as your thoughts are always desired.

Thank you,

The Tallgurrl